About me

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!" they say.As far as I am concerned, I agree all the way. In a way I participate in the creation of this saying through years of struggle with my vicious disease. I used to suffer from depression for a long time and it was so strong that there were moments when I was at the edge of committing suicide. Yes, I admit and I am not ashamed of that! Constantly depressed,I used to drink a lot especially when i was young(teenager and student) and whenever loaded I used to grab my car driving drunk. Car accidents were normal event in my pathetic life and what actually odd in this cases is that after 3 heavy car accidents I ended up with a few scratches on my back. Whenever sober, I was afraid to sleep and had illusions that one or both my parents were dead, distraught for my future. Anxiety was my faithful companion in those terrible years.

Anyway, after years of unproductive style of life at some point I started asking myself:"What is the matter with you? Are you trying to commit suicide, but you do not have guts to do it in regular manner?Don't you have parents to mourn your death? You may be crazy enough to do stupid things, but you will destroy your parents' life in case of your death!" I finally started to become aware that i had been subconsciously trying to find a way to harm myself somehow and driving my car wildly was the solely appropriate fashion at that point.

My parents made up their mind to get me to a doctor, who after a few conversations concluded that I am at "mad" years as I was a teenager and in time it would pass.

A few months later situation worsened and I was prescribed some medication in order to annul depression; 2 years later I found myself inflated with 20 kilos more.Furthermore, at the age of 20 I was handicapped as my member was not functioning properly and my girlfriend was unhappy and disappointed. My logic felt offended! Should I carry on with medications, feel indifferent and frosty towards anything and anyone related to me, even with my girlfriend OR I should turn over a new leaf and start my own fight?!

I was totally alone and probably lonely at that point, my parents "allied" together against me and pushed me to continue with my medical therapy. My physical appearance changed unfavorably, chubby was my second name, my girlfriend abandoned me instantly; but as far as i was concerned there was nothing much for me to lose because i had lost enough! My logic imposed some other attempt approved only by myself and literally no one else! (whenever i started talking to my close friends about depression issue, they did not suggest any concrete advice, probably afraid that they could say something wrong)

My first goal was to lose weight and to get a new girlfriend and in that purpose I engaged in workout;not so exhausting really, but consistent and regular accompanied with gradual reduction of my medication. You see, I felt no pleasure those moments when I realized in the mirror that I got thinner, but in points when I became aware that whenever I jog I feel so calm, so balanced afterwards. Those were first glints of hope to hint at a defeat of depression. Truly, there were instants when i felt sorrow again for no reason and I was wise enough to be certain that it was not easy to beat this nasty disorder. 

My first step was fulfilled after a hard work of almost one year. I was thin again, muscles obvious, proud of myself with raised Ego thanks to a lot of girls who secretly cast glance at me.I still had a desire to go for a drink somewhere with friends and to get loaded for bear, anyway, that would only spoil my hard work which had a lot of miles to cover in front of it.

Within next years I did a lot of experimenting with myself and I had learned some simple but effective tricks to help me cope with my health problems. One of those tricks was whenever I felt depressed for 1 or 2 days I used to alter my daily routines. For instance to skip my night sleep or to get in touch with a new person or to change my route to my University or to go to a mountain and change my sight...

However, it took me years to find the right mechanism to deal with the depression and anxiety and the solution lies much deeper in our being and it is more complex, thus more effective. Not only it will help you erase depression, but this solution will help you rise above it and (depending on your determination) it will help you achieve enlightenment. Meditation is the first step at this stage and it will help you to look in your being, to help you get to know your inner state and your talents and therefore to discern into your vocation.Think holistically!!!This is where I can help you!

After all these years troubling myself with depression a very important implication turned out as a final thought:" If you seek external factor(medications, pills...) to help you as a cure for any disorder, it comes with a price; If you seek internal factor(perceiving yourself) to help you as a cure for any disorder, it comes with a reward!"

 My motto is:

"Eliminate the cause of a disease instead of curing the symptoms".

My name is